How to Piss Off the Ninjas
by IzzyDizzyLi
Summary: Wanna annoy those ninja you hate or luv?Use this easy guide to show you some things you can do!T for some ideas and language. Shikamaru now up!
1. Uzumaki Naruto

Ok so I got this idea from Aihoshi-chan so a big thanks goes to her

Naruto ish owned by Kishimoto-sama. What would the world be like without him?**_PURE _**-CENSORED-**_HELL!!_**

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Ways to Piss Off the Ninjas

By RakuraIaro

Inspired by Aihoshi-chan

Hello.This is your handy guide on how to piss off your favorite (or least favorite) ninja. Our first guide is all about Naruto.

(Warning: You may get a Rasengan in your stomach if you attempt some of these)

1.Tell him that if he goes to Ichiraku's he'll get punched in the balls by Sakura

2.Give him a pet fox that has rabies and tell him that you picked it out with him in mind

3.Write him a Yaoi love leter and say it was from Sasuke.

4.Write a letter saying that he was banned from becoming Hokage and say it was from the village's elders

5.Hold Naruto in a deathgrip while everyone else goes to get Sasuke

6.Lock him out of Ichiraku's

7.Tell him that only wusies become Hokages

8.Show him an anti NaruSaku website

9.Sing an anti-Hokage song every moment of the day

10.Sing an anti-ninja song between every anti-Hokage song

11.Tell him in a loud voice,"Sasuke rejected your offer to date him if he came back" in a place with lots of people nearby

12.Kick him in the balls every few seconds

13.Yell to him,"Hey Naruto, they have the issue of Icha Icha Paradise that you helped write in stores now!" in front of Sakura

14.Insist that he is too dumb to be Hokage

15.Tell him he is to dumb to notice a secret admirer and then refuse to tell him who it is

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Ok next up, the emo kid that you all luv! (or hate)


	2. Uchiha Sasuke

It's time to piss off the emo kid!!Mwahaha!!

Note:There is a slight mention of porn.Just want to warn you just in case you are a young person whose mind hasn't been tainted, unlike me XD

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Next up is Sasuke, so pay _close _attention.

(Warning, you may get a Chidori in your face)

1.Tell him,"You know, when you get 21, you'll have wrinkles." every other minute

2.Call him emo every minute you aren't pointing out number 1.

3.Force him to eat ramen for a week

4.While he's concentrating on a jutsu, barage him with tomatoes, and when he wants to know why you did it, complain,"Sheesh I thought you liked tomatoes."

5.Push him off a cliff and yell,"FLY DUCK FLY!!"

6.Push him into a lake or pool and yell,"SWIM DUCK SWIM!!"

7.While he's in the bathroom in the morning, pour warm water on his bed and yell,"OROCHIMARU, SASUKE WET HIS BED"

8.Draw a mustache and some stubble on his face with a permanent marker while he's asleep

9.Wallpaper his room with porn photos of Sakura and Ino

10.Wallpaper his bathroom with porn photos of Naruto or Lee

11.Make him guilty for leaving Konoha (good luck with this)

12.If you acomplish 11, remind him twenty times that he left, but if you didn't, do it anyways

13.Brag about how good he looks with Orochimaru

14.Show him a NaruSasu website

15.Kick him in the balls

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I kno, I kno. "kick his balls" is also under Naruto's, but, hey, i couldn't resist ;D  
Next up is a certain kunoichi


	3. Haruno Sakura

Time to annoy the Cherry Blossom!

But personally i don't know why you'd want to,I mean, she's so nice and...well...Sakura does have the most anti- clubs lolz...maybe people do hate her

BTW this also mentions porn

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This guide will enable you to piss off Sakura.

(Warning:You may be disfigured or, if you are a male, be unable to have kids if you try some of these)

1.Tease her by saying that she is better suited for Itachi

2.Ask her if she'd kick Sasuke in the balls

3.Show her some Sasuke porn photos

4.Yell,"AWW, YOU FINALLY FOUND A BOYFRIEND!!" when you see her with Naruto in a crowded place

5.Set her up on a blind date with Lee

6.Switch her drink, whatever it may be, with sake (**1.**)

7.Sing a song about how fat she is

8.Slap her (majorly not recomended)

9.Wallpaper her room with porn photos of Lee

10.Tell her that Ino is much prettier and stronger

11.Bump into her while she's doing a health screening of Kankuro and "accedently" make them kiss

12.Mess up her medical files

13.Scribble on her paperwork

14.Send a letter to Tsunade calling her a drunken -_place word that would offend her greatly here_- and say Sakura sent it

15.Convince her to do her hair.Then knock her out and die her hair blonde

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Keep readin, cuz next up is a certain Hyuga


	4. Hyuga Hinata

Ok i promised you a Hyuga, so here she is.

It was **_VERY_** hard to put this together, since it would be very hard to piss her off

Oh and most likely, most of these will make her sad and withdrawn, not angry and violent

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Next is Hinata.

(Warning: You may get hit in various pressure points)

1.Wallpaper her room with pictures of Naruto so that, when she goes to bed, about a thousand (depending on how many pictures you have) pair of Naruto eyes are staring her down

2.Bring up the time Naruto saw her naked every few minutes

3.Tell her that Lee is much cuter than Naruto

4.Put empty ramen boxes **everywhere** in her house

5.Keep staring at her

6.Tell her that Neji is a wussie

7.Tell her that Naruto is just too dumb to realise that she likes him

8.Exclaim in public,"You just like Naruto because he's the son of the Forth Hokage"

9.When she is training with Naruto, yell,"Hey!Stop using your Byakugan to see through his clothes!"

10.If she makes you food, spit it out after two bites and yell,"Bleck!"

11.Send a love letter to Naruto and say that Hinata sent it

12.Tell her father that she's dating Neji

13.Tell Neji that she's dating Kiba

14.Set her up on a blind date with Akamaru

15.Kick her in the shin

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lolz next i will go _bug _someone else


	5. Aburame Shino

Time to bug Shino mwahaha!!

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Now we will piss off Shino

(Warning:If you are afraid of bugs, DO NOT attempt any of thses)

1.Give him a pet bird for Christmas

2.Spray him with bug spray and say,"Oops, thought it was hair spray!"

3.Tease that he hides his eyes because they are tiny.

4.Once 3 is completed, tell him that he might also be to afraid to show them

5.Push him and make him squish an anthill

6.Remind him that he has an afro every two seconds

7.Replace his glasses with a monacle

8.Knock him out and die his hair purple

9.Give him chocolate-covered ants and say they're chocolate covered almonds. Once he swallows, point out what they really were.

10.Dare him to eat a gummy worm

11.Pour water on him while he's asleep.When he wakes up(make sure he doesn't see ur bucket/cup) , tell him,"Your bugs wet their bed."

12.Tell him that if he wants a girlfriend, he'll get rid of his bugs

13.Kill any type of bug in front of him

14.give him a flyswatter as a "BFF Forever" gift

15.Kick him in his balls, if he has any

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LMAOz sorry but i just had to include kicking him in his balls...imagine if someone actually did that...LMAOz

next is a guy and his best friend


	6. Inuzuka Kiba

Time to piss off kiba!

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Now lets try to piss off kiba.

(Warning:You may get mawwed by Akamaru)

1. Abduct Akamaru and replace him with a cat.

2. Make him pay to get him back

3. Make his room "Hello Kitty" themed

4. Shove him into a doghouse and say it's where he'll live from now on.

5. Replace his toilet with a fire hydrant

6. Replace his sink with the toilet

7. Take him out to a restaraunt and, when the waiter asks him what he would like to order, say "He'll have a bone."

8. Put lipstick on Akamaru

9. Fart in his face and say,"Ahh, you can practiclly smell memories, can't you?"

10. Set him up on a blind date with Lee

11. Tell him," You'll never get a girl. You best option is a poodle."

12. Replace Akamaru with a poodle

13. Accuse him of humping Akamaru

14. Push him off of Akamaru while he's riding him and accuse him of animal abuse

15. Get him a pony and tell him that if he wants to ride something, ride it

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Stay _sharp_. I'm going to go annoy someone else


	7. TenTen

Now lets piss off TenTen!

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It is now TenTen's turn.

(Warning: You may get sliced or stabbed if you try some of these)

1. Tell her she's mentally disturbed

2. Replace her weapons with pies

3. Replace her entire wardrobe with stretchy green jumpsuits

4. Set her up on a blind date with Shino

5. Steal her scrolls and when she asks where they are, tell her that Gai used it for toilet paper.

6. While she's yelling at him, wave them in her face

7. Knock her out and die her hair green

8. Give her hair gel and tell her that she can use sharp hair instead of weapons

9. Tell her she resembles a panda, and not because of her hair buns

10. When she's in public, yell,"You haven't gotten Lee any flowers yet. Wasn't that on your to-do list?"

11. Tell her that she uses sharp things because they make up for her dullness

12. Pour coffee on her

13. For Christmas, give her pencils and say that she can add it to her weapon collection

14. Stab someone's teddy bear with a kunai and say it was TenTen who did it

15. Push her into a pond

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some of these were really random cuz i ran out of ideas

another hyuga is up next


	8. Hyuga Neji

Sorry this came late. **9 WHOLE** (at least i hope they're whole) **PEOPLE HAVE REVIEWED!!** That may be a small number to most people, but it's pretty big to me

**THANK YOU ALL!!**

BTW i don't own cinnamon toast crunch

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Now it is time to piss off Neji

(Warning: You may get a juken (**A/N:**Is this it?) in your face)

1.Kick him in the balls and tell him he should have seen it coming

2.Tell him that if he got breast implants that he'd be a girl with nuts

3.Accuse him of using byakugan to look at TenTen in public so that everyone could hear

4.When he's training his use of byakugan, shove Lee in front of him

5.Ask him if he could see why kids loved cinnamon toast crunch every other minute

6.Tell him he's destined to be a fortune teller every minute you aren't pointing out 5

7.Insult Haishi

8.Ask him if he has a boyfriend yet

9.Give him Shino's glasses and a cane

10.Say,"Watch out for that-_insert whatever is in front of him here-_!"For example, if there's a building in front of him, you would yell,"Watch out fot that building!"

11.Write him a NejiLee fanfic

12.Call him a nerd or math-geek

13.When he's using 164 Palms, constantly say random numbers and try to make him lose count

14.Knock him out and make him look girly.Options include dresses, make-up, ect.

15.When he's using byakugan, tell him that he has wrinkles

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Next is Konoha's Hansom Devil


	9. Rock Lee

**ACK!** I never meant for me to go so long without updating! Gomensai gomensai gomensai gomensai!!

Ok, you probably want me to shut up and start the list. lolz I shall obey you guys!

**!!UOTAGIRRA !!SWEIVER 71 TOG I** ,WTB ,hO

If you can read that, review after reading. Seriously, please review.

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Now, let us piss off Lee.

(Warning:You may end up in Konoha's hospital with multiple bruises or, worse, forced to run 500 laps around Konoha by Gai, if you try some of these)

1.Shave his head

2.Paint his jumpsuit red

3.Tell him Gai wants him to act pervy to TenTen as a training exercise

4.As he runs from her wrath, point out that Gai didn't actually say that

5.Strap him to a chair for a week so that he can't train or exercise

6.Make him kiss Naruto's butt if he escapes

7.Shave his eyebrows, tatoo the kanji for love on his forehead, and call him a Gaara fangirl.

8.Make him stay away from Gai for seventy-two hours

9.Ducktape his mouth and say,"What?! Your teeth were blinding me!"

10.Tell him that the only way to beat Neji is to become smarter at math

11.As he tries to study, set his book on fire

12.When he runs around trying to find another book to teach him math, yell,"Oh yeah, did I mention that you could also become better than him if you gain fifty pounds?"

13.If he completes 12, tell him that Gai doesn't like him because his jumpsuit makes him look fat. If he doesn't do 12, tell him anyways.

14.As he works his butt off trying to lose weight, constantly trip him and hit him on the head with the flat side of a kunai(the sharp side would work just as fine, but it's majorly not recomended)

15.Once he's lost weight, tell him that Gai will hate him now because he looks like he has an eating disorder

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Ok, I'll try to update moar. But now school has started, and the bleach manga is getting _really_ good (i believe i'm on 243, the start of the rescue Orohime Arc). Plus, i had to get a freakin USB memory thingy cuz our geogray teacher said we'd need it for reports, so I (or my sister) might be doing that

Hit the little "go" button on the bottom of the page when it shows "Submit Review", because if you do, that will encourage me to write faster ;)

You might want to _hog _the computer when the next chapter comes up, cuz it's gonna be good ;)


	10. A word from the sponsors

Well, I wuz gonna stop, but I have a great idea! So you'd better appreciate this!

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Next, a word from our sponsers

Viz Media spokesperson:Please support Naruto by pruchasing manga and dvds when they are available in your area

Me:Bor-ring! -kicks out Viz Media spokesperson- Why was he here anyways?

Neji: Because Viz Media is responsible for showing Naruto in America and who-knows-where-else?

Me:...really? -.-' Anways...

Kunai Junction spokesperson: Do you like kunai and other sharp objects?

TenTen:YES!!

Me:Shut up TenTen!

Kunai Junction spokesperson: Well, if you do, come by Kunai Junction! We sell every sharp ninja weapon ever created and our highly entertaining "Kunai Junction Playground"! So come by today! -quick speech starts- Before entering "Kunai Junction Playground" you must sign a release form stating that we hold no responsibility for any wounds caused by the equitment.

Me:Now THAT sounds like my kind of place!

TenTen:Agreed!

Neji:Isn't it dangerous?

Me and TenTen:EXACTLY!

Bubbly Hot Springs spokesperson:Want to relax and get away from the people who annoy you? Then come to the Bubbly Hot Springs, the largest hot springs in the fire country. Included spa and nail salon.

TenTen:Now THAT sounds great! Wanna go Neji?

Me: Shut up, they aren't done!

Bubbly Hot Springs spokesperson:Warning, hot springs not seperated.

TenTen:-blushes-

Neji:Hmm...I suppose I'll go with you

Me:OH MY GOD! NEJI IS A PERVERT!! -pulls out frying pan-

Neji:-anime sweatdrop-

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Ok, NEXT is the hog. Sorry, but I just had to post this lolz


	11. Yamanaka Ino

**_WTF I HAVEN'T UPDATED THIS IN OVER A MONTH?!_**

OMG I am so so so so so very sorry! It's just that my schedule now that school has started consists of:

A. School

B. Volleyball games (I'm a scoorkeeper)

C. Saxophone practice (I'm in my school's band)

D. Chorus (whenever that starts)

And soon Art Club (if I make it on the...uh...team?) will join this list.

So, most of the time, I can't get on til the weekends. But once V-ball is over, I'll probably have some sleepovers.(V-ball games are on tuesday, thursday, and friday and friday is the only day my parents will allow sleepovers)

So, anyways, enough with the talking! I believe we have to piss of the pig!

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After those charming words from our sponsors, we now turn to Ino.

(Warning: You may get hurt or publicly humiliated by Ino's her Mind Control Jutsu)

1. Tell her that she should wear maternity clothes because showing fat rolls off isn't very attractive

2. Give her some clay, then say,"Oops, thought you were Deidara."

3. When she's heading into a crowded area, yell really loudly,"HEY EVERYBODY! THE PORK CHOPS HAVE ARRIVED!!"

4. Pour a barrel of mud all over her when she goes to bed

5. Before she kills you, yell,"I thought pigs liked to sleep in mud!", then run away as quickly as you can

6. If she starts chasing you, lead her over to Sai's house. When you reach the front of his door, stop, then when Ino is close enough open the door and shove her in while yelling,"SAI! YOUR GIRLFRIEND HAS DECIDED TO SLEEP AT YOUR HOUSE!"

7. If she doesn't chase you and decideds to take another shower, pour mud on her again once she comes out

8. You could also rig her shower to spray mud instead of water, but only do this if you know how to

9. Tell her that Sakura is much prettier and stronger than her.

10. When she's putting on make-up, use the quote,"Even if you put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig. "

11. Deliver pig food to her and say,"Eat up piggy!"

12. Wallpaper her room with "Smiley Lee".

13. Set her up on a blind date with TenTen. (**A/N:**Random, I know)

14. Shove her into Shikamaru and say,"MAKE-OUT TIME!!"

15. If Shikamaru says "Troublesome.", say,"Oh yeah, going out with a pig is quite troublesome, maybe you should go with Sakura or Temari."

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Like I said, updates will come slowly. Gomen.

The one who will be annoyed next was already mentioned in the last two anger ideas


	12. Nara Shikamaru

Ok, seriously, I am** _VERY_** sorry about not being able to update. If you were one of those people who were reading this ever since it started and are still reading, kimi ga daisuki. (that means I really like you)

Today I served this pink peppermint pie to my classroom. Me and my friends ate little _tiny_ pieces so that everyone could get a thin slice lolz. If anyone wants directions on how to make it, I'll try to send something to you.

Oh! Before I forget! I'm probably not doing the Akatsuki. Sorry, but someone's already done that. In fact, the person was mentioned at the start of chapter 1 i think...

There is a slight mention of rape in this chapter. If you don't want to hear the extream funny-ness of it, skip this chapter. (funny-ness?! WTF?!)

Anyways! On to the fruit head man (hey pineapples are fruit right?)

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Now we move on to Shikamaru.

(Warning: You may get held in a shadow possesion jutsu until you starve to death if you atempt any of these)

1. Give him a pineapple cake and tell him it resembles his head

2. Tie him to Lee with a thick, hard to cut rope and have Lee do a ten mile dash.

3. Make him be Ino's servent for the day

4. If he refuses to do 4, pull his pants and boxers (or whatever he's wearing under there) down in public

5. Shine a flashlight in his eyes and ask over and over if it burns

6. Yell that he raped Temari in front of Kankuro (and Gaara, if he's around)

7. If he and Chouji are in a corner talking, push them together and say,"Kissy in the corner!"

8. Beat him in an arguement with a smart-eleky comment (good luck with that)

9. Set him on fire (**A/N:**Wow that was random...)

10.Stick a lollypop in your mouth and say,"Shikamaru, look! I'm smoking! Whatcha gonna do about it?!" over and over.

11.Wallpaper his room with porn photos of Ino and Temari.

12.When you're done, show his mom and tell her that he did it

13.Declare to all of Konoha that he's in love with Kiba

14.Sing "Shikamaru, Where are you?" to him for at least three hours

15.Sing the song just mentioned to him when he least expects it or when he's trying to concentrate

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Like it? Hope so. Hopefully, another update wil be soon.

Ah, middle school sure is troublesome

Next is the fa...err...chubby ninja.


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